I’ve been listening to some of the interviews from the Self-Acceptance Summit presented by Sounds True and I’m really enjoying it. Today is day 3 of a 10-day summit. There are 3 interviews a day and they are available for 24 hours. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I really love Sounds True. So much, in fact, that I will have to see if they have an affiliate program. It offers products that are good for my soul.

One of the interviews I’ve listened to is Fierce Authenticity with JP Sears. Some of you might be familiar with him. He is the “Ultra Spiritual’ guy on YouTube. If you don’t know him, you got to check out his “How to be Ultra Spiritual” video. It is quite funny! I like his satirical comedy and have listen to many of his videos at some point. So I got curious as to what he had to offer to this Self-Acceptance Summit. Well, I had the pleasure to meet the other side of JP Sears, his serious side. Here’s something I didn’t know, JP Sears is an Emotional Healing Coach and Teacher. How cool is that! An Emotional Healing Coach. I love that! So it turns out that he had a whole lot of goodness to offer to the Self-Acceptance Summit.

There were numerous gold nuggets in what JP Sears shared. All were very powerful! I want to share this gold nugget with you all. I think this so important to know this. So important!

When we are busy trying to be who we think we need to be, we are simultaneously rejecting ourselves.

Wow, right? That makes a whole lot of sense to me! Of course! If the truth be known (and let it be known!) I’m very good at self-rejection! Every time I think that I’m not doing enough, that I’m doing too much of this or that, that I need to be this way and that way to be evolved, spiritual, a better wife, a better mother, you name it; I’m telling myself that who I am – right now – isn’t good enough and that I’m a failure. In essence, I reject myself. I reject myself! This realization brings out real sadness in me. I do this to myself and that is very sad.

After I moved away from the toxic environment I grew up in my early 20s,  becoming a better person became my guiding light. For the first 5 years, I became very religious. I was Catholic at the time and at some point, I attended daily church services. Through this I gathered a huge lists of ‘do and don’t’ on how to become a better person. Then I moved away from religion and dove head first into self-help through reading, courses, retreats and psychotherapy. At that point, I had let go of some of my ‘ do and don’t’ from my Catholic list of how to be a better person and that was definitely not a bad thing. However though my foray into self-help, I gathered an even longer list of ‘do and don’t’. Unfortunately, I can see now, that my list of ‘do and don’t’ on how to become a better person has been instrumental in perpetuating the rejection of who I am.

At this point, I’m not sure what to think of the self-help movement. With the passing of Louise Hay, one of the fonder of the self-help movement, I’ve had the opportunity to think about this. I guess it is like everything, it has a light side and a shadow side. The bottom line is that as long as we are pursuing our ideal of a better self through our list of ‘do and don’t’, we are negating and therefore rejecting the person that we already are. We are negating and rejecting the person that is already the best he/she can be in this now moment.

Yes I am sad at the realization that I have rejected myself over and over again through my ‘do and don’t’ list.  But now that I know this, I can make different choices for myself, choices that convey love, self-compassion and self-acceptance to myself. I deserve this! I’m worth this! Thank you JP Sears!

Recovery One Breath at a Time

I have just finished listening to “Recovery One Breath at a Time” by Kevin Griffin. This is a program I have purchased from Sounds True. I really enjoyed listening and studying this program. I’ve taken many notes. Kevin Griffin has a very gentle approach, which I like very much. I thought I would share some of the information that has struck a chord with me. Even though this program is geared towards recovery from addiction, I find that the information shared by Kevin Griffin Could be of value to anyone. And as someone wrote lately, aren’t we mostly all addicts to some extent?

Kevin shares a lot about mindfulness as a way to recovery. I really like his take on the practice of mindfulness: “The mindfulness practice is about discovering what life really is rather than what we think it is.” He furthers goes to say that “Mindfulness shows us that our existence is actually made up of just a few things: seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, smelling and thinking. If we don’t engage these six sense experiences, we are missing out on life.” For most of my life, I lived in my head mostly unconscious. I now understand the value of engaging my senses in my life experiences, day in and day out. This also apply to my thinking. Although I spent a lot of time in my head, most of the time, I was not truly conscious of my thought processes. This is something I’m definitely working on at the moment.

Kevin goes on to say that “Fundamentally, all we are looking for is happiness.” and he then stresses the importance of being clear about what we want and to take full responsibility for achieving whatever it is we do want. So first of all, what is happiness? In Kevin’s words: “Happiness is about feeling fully connected, fully alive.” This is happiness! With this in mind, we must ask ourselves what is it that makes us happy. What will bring more happiness into our life? This is a very important first step. I’ve been a people pleaser most of my life and as such, I’m not entirely sure what truly makes me happy. Oh, I know how to make others happy! This is where I get lost. So one of my challenges, at this time, is to find out what makes me happy and commit to this for myself. Because in the end, true happiness comes from within and I’m the only one that can nurture this happiness.

Kevin talks about the importance of meditation and that meditation is a practice in mindfulness. That is an important tool in changing our relationship to our thoughts and in turn, this allows us to let go and trust in the process. He recommends starting with 20 minutes a day, or to have shorter meditation sessions throughout the day. Simply breathing in and out, being conscious of our breaths, is all that is needed. Thoughts will distract us but we just need to bring ourselves back to our breathing without judgements. Over time, this practice will become more effortless. It does take practice. I’ve been doing about 15 minutes every morning for about 10 days now. My thoughts are all over the place. I keep bringing my attention back to my breath, mentally saying ‘in’ as I breathe in and ‘out’ as I breathe out. The thoughts return and again I bring myself back to my breathing. It is far from effortless for me right now. In the past, a couple of meditation sessions would found me quitting. However I have realized that I need to keep this practice going.  I will get better and better over time. This is what practice does.

Kevin also says that “We are not bad people trying to get good. We are people who got stuck in negative patterns that need to be changed. Recovery and addiction are both about action and intention.” We are not bad people! We are not bad people! I’m not a bad person! This is so important to remember. We are not bad people. We never were! This shifts things for me. It shifts me from victimhood to empowerment. Through this shift in thinking, I can stop victimizing myself. If I’m a good person, why would I treat myself so poorly? Why would I allow negative patterns to lead my life? I’m a good person and I’m deserving of goodness. We all are.

One last thing I would like to share. Kevin talks about the importance of working with difficult emotions. One emotion he gives example of is worry. If we are charged up to worry about something, even though we stopped thinking about what worries us or we might have figured things out, this worrying energy takes longer to dissipate in the body. So it is important to work through the emotion in our body so as to release that energy completely. If we don’t do this, that energy will cause us to worry about something else and on and on it goes leaving us in a constant state of worry. The same applies to anger, sadness, anxiety, depression, etc. The way to work through the emotion in our body is to bring our attention to our solar plexus area, our guts, and feel what is going on there.  Not think about it but feel it. To really feel it and breath through it. This will release the energy which will allows us to truly move on from that emotion at that particular time. I’ve put this into practice last week and that really helped me in releasing some anxiety I had about something. It allowed my mind to clear and solutions that I had not thought of popped into my mind. It was quite powerful!

This program has so many gold nuggets throughout. I’ve only shared a few of these here. I most definitely recommend “Recovery One Breath at a Time” by Kevin Griffin from Sounds True to anyone. I’m not being remunerated in any way for writing this. I just enjoy sharing good stuff with you all.


Food and Groundedness

Today I want to talk about… food. You know? the stuff that nourishes our body? Yes, that stuff! So much time in a day is spend on food, thinking about what to make, preparing what we have decided to make, eating what we made, then cleaning up the mess that was done while we made it.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to eat? Yes maybe.

Not really. Not for me. Putting time and effort into preparing foods that nurture my body is very grounding. Of course, it can be something I do because I have to do it, rush through doing it so that I can be done quicker and then move on to better thing. Interestingly, when the food addict part of me has control, nothing is about being grounded or about nurturing my body. It is all about what is readily available, high processed, fat and salty foods and sometime sweet foods and I don’t want to be cooking it! But recently, the healthy eater part of me has taken charge and that is a totally different story.  The healthy eater part of me loves making deliciously nutritious foods filled with goodness. I really love it when my healthy eater is in charge.

As I mentioned earlier, putting effort into preparing foods that nurture my body is very grounding to me. To nurture my body with nutritiously healthy foods requires mindfulness. It is much easier nowadays to go for the not so healthy stuff. The grocery store is full of unhealthy options. The lure of these is strong as it can save me time, time I would rather be doing something else. However, I find that my health is worth the time and effort investment. It is a matter being mindful and setting priorities. When I’m in my healthy mindset, that time and effort is so worth it. I feel good about myself. I feel good about doing something from scratch as opposed to purchasing all ready processed food. Not only it nurtures my body but it nurtures my mind and heart as well. What can be better than that?

I’m cautious though. I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of person and that has gotten me in trouble many times. I intent to heal the split in me whereas my healthy eater and my compulsive eater can finally reach a peaceful understanding and join forces. Right now, it feels like I’m on the right path and that feels good, very good! It is a good path to be on. May I remain on this path.

Art and Me – Reunited!

I had a art date yesterday with my very creative friend, Rosann of ARTs Story and it was great! I think it had been at least 3 months since the last time I did any kind of art. Hard to believe! At first, it wasn’t much of a priority. I gave my resignation at work and then we decided to move and we did. For a couple of months things were busy and the first things I packed was my art supplies because, I have so much of it. After we moved and my art room was set-up, I didn’t get back into doing art. This is quite normal for me. If I’m away from doing art for a while, it is very hard for me to get back to it.

So when Rosann suggested an art date, I said yes. It’s a nice way to visit. I did get anxious about it though. I’m not very good at doing art with someone else. I like it. Don’t get me wrong. But it isn’t my most comfortable way to art. I think it is because I go into a sort of trance when I do art. Or maybe it is because,  I have a tendency to compare what I do with what the other person is doing. Or it could be for Or, who knows! Also my place is quite small so I wasn’t sure where we both could art together. I didn’t think my art room was big enough. Well it turns out that I could move my art table in the middle of the room and that worked really well. It was definitely a very pleasant afternoon spent with a wonderful friend. We’ve decided to do this every month, sometimes at my place and sometimes at her place. Very cool!

At first I thought I would work on a mandala. It felt less ‘threatening’ for a first art session after not having done art in a long time and also because of my unease of doing art with someone else. After Rosann did a bit of flip through of the art journal she is working in right now, I decided to jump right in and get my art journal too. When art journaling, I usually go for acrylic and an array of other supplies. This time I decided to go with limited supplies and I’m glad to have done so. It shows how little supplies is really needed for art journal.

Here is what I used:

  • Art journal – of course!
  • Magazine images and words. I have a supply of these that I have collected over the years and ready for me for when I’m in the mood for collaging.
  • Watercolours
  • Watercolour paint brushes
  • Water
  • Washi tape
  • Black Pentel EnerGel pen

And that’s it! The end result is an art journal page that is simple and was fun to make. It isn’t a masterpiece in any way, shape or form. But this is the beauty about art journaling. It isn’t so much about the end project, as it is about the process of creation itself.

It feels so good to have broken this 3+ month art abstinence stretch. My art table will be seeing more of me now, for sure! Thanks Rosann for giving me that nudge I needed.

Emotions and Body Consciousness

As part of my morning routine, most mornings during the week day, I incorporate what I have termed ‘spiritual study’. I’m a big fan of Sounds True. Sounds True’s mission is ‘to disseminate spiritual wisdom’ and it does that exquisitely well. Over the years, I have ‘compulsively’ purchased diverse programs and I have listened to only a tiny fraction of these. Now that I have more time and that I’m willing to dive in deeper, I’ve started listening to these. The one I’m listening to right now is “Recovery One Breath at a Time – Mindfulness practices for overcoming addiction” by Kevin Griffin. Very valuable information, practices and tools!

Yesterday I had a huge aha moment. It is not that I didn’t know about this intellectually but yesterday it landed at a deeper level. Kevin Griffin talks about the importance of working with difficult emotion, and even the not so difficult emotions. He goes on to say that it is the underlying emotion that are triggering trains of thoughts in our minds. So when I notice that I’m thinking, it doesn’t stop the thought because the thought is being driven by an emotion and my emotions reside in my body. I feel anxious, angry, excited, sad, not at ease., etc. My tendency might be to intellectually try to figure things out, to talk myself out of feeling what I’m feeling. Sometimes I might be fooled into thinking that I have ‘figured things out’. But unless I go into my body to feel the emotions, the feelings, I will never really truly have worked my way through that emotion. The result is that another worry will surface, another thing will trigger my anger, the feeling of unease will return, etc. and the cycle will continue to the point where it becomes an over encompassing state of anxiety, depression, anger, etc. The energy of the emotion has to be worked out through the body, not the mind.

That is very interesting. It is a fact, that most of us live in our head most, if not, all of the time. I definitely do. So it is important to become more body conscious. It’s interesting that our body has so little say into our lives. There is great wisdom that resides in our body. Yet most of us are afraid to journey there. As British Political, Andrew Bennett said “The longest journey you will ever take is the 18 inches from your head to your heart.” That is so true!

How do we do this? It can be something that is done during meditation if one meditates. Or it can be done at anytime when we feel the unease, the anxious thoughts, the anger, etc. The simple practice of sitting in silence; bringing our attention to our body, to the solar plexus area of our body, our guts; to feel what is there; and to gently breathe through the sensation, the tightness, the unease. To make this a dedicated practice can do wonder to how we experience our lives and our capacity for happiness and joy.

I was feeling ‘off’ this morning when I woke up. I have started a morning ritual of meditation, movement and study and I did not want to do any of it. I knew it was important to go forward and keep this commitment to myself, to my wellbeing. During meditation, I brought my attention to my body, to my solar plexus area. I knew I was anxious about something I had to do today. I’m not used to connecting with my feelings, my emotions I could hardly ‘feel’ anything there. There was just a tiny flutter, tightness there. I breath through it. Nothing else. I just brought my attention to this area and breathed. Interestingly, it is like clarity entered my mind and a solution to what I was anxious about popped into my head. The way I felt before and the way I felt after my meditation time was very interesting. I didn’t know this before but it became clear after. Before doing that exercise, it’s like my thoughts was a wild animal and was stuck in a cage and was frantically trying to find a way out. Whereas after, it felt free and could be itself. I hope that makes sense. This is definitely something I want to incorporate in my day as needed, not only during meditation.

I love those aha moments!

I Am So Grateful!

In the past few blog posts, I have shared my story, where I am today, my BIG want and my wish list to the Universe. Writing all of this has been therapeutic. It has been grounding. What a gift! A great big thank you goes out to Effy Wild for her invitation to Blog Along with Effy. It is exactly what I needed at this time of my life, as I transition into the next phase of my life.

And now, I release my BIG want and wish list to the Universe and I let go and I know that it will be so. I KNOW that IT WILL BE SO!

As I reflect on my life today, I am grateful for so much!

  • I share my life with a wonderful man, who truly love me as I am without judgements, who supports me and cheers me on, who is my best friend. I am blessed to have an exquisite man as my life companion.
  • I have a son who loves me and actually likes spending time with me. (Ha! Who would have thought!) Who is very kind and loving and healthy and who makes me so proud just for who he is.
  • My son found a lovely woman to share his life and she has been a wonderful addition to our little family. Her joie de vivre is infectious.
  • I have many people in my life who love me just as I am, who reflects back my light even when all I can see is darkness.
  • I love our new apartment. It has become a very pleasant and cozy home. It is my refuge.
  • I can walk. It might be laborious and painful most of the time, BUT I can still walk.
  • We have the financial means to allow me to ‘retire’ early and not be in s rush to find a way to bring extra income to supplement my retirement income.
  • I’ve embraced my creative self and can create lovely art that makes me happy.
  • I’m a short way away from my favourite grocery store which means that I have easy access to nutritious and life giving food.
  • My life is filled with riches of the heart, with simplicity and with presence.
  • And the list goes on and on…

In the words of Karen Drucker, from the song I’m So Grateful/Gratitude Vamp:

Gratitude before me. Gratitude behind me.
Gratitude to the left of me. Gratitude to the right of me.
Gratitude above me. Gratitude below me.
Gratitude within me. Gratitude all around me.
I’m so grateful, I’m so grateful,
I’m so grateful, I’m so grateful.

I am so grateful! Thank you!

A Wish List to the Universe

In my last post, I shared about my BIG want: To journey back home to the core of who I am and ground myself there. Today I thought it would be a good idea to start on a list of practical day-to-day wants. A kind of wish list to the Universe. So here goes:

  • I want to stop taking medications – Every morning, one of the first thing I do is take a medication which aims at protecting my stomach from the anti-inflammatory medication I take twice a day. It saddens me that the first thing I put in my body every morning is a drug. My body deserves better than this. I understand that is necessary at this time, but I want to eventually be able to stop both of these medications.
  • I want to be pain free – I dread having to run errands as it is laborious and painful. I want to be able to do this effortlessly.
  • I want to enjoy walks pain free – One of my husband’s favourite things is walking. Being blind, he needs others to go on walk with him. I would love to be able to enjoy going for long pain free walk with him.
  • I want to be fearless about going into unknown experiences and environments – Because of my size and physical limitations, I shy away from new environments and experiences. Will I fit in the seat at the restaurant? Will I be stuck having to stand for a long period of time? Will I stick out like a sore thumb? Will I make a fool of myself? This has shrank my world tremendously. I want to find my way back to experiencing the world around me more.
  • I want to be thin before I die and have time to enjoy my thin body.
  • I want to fully and completely let go of my struggle with food addiction – It is like there are two person within myself: the compulsive eater and the healthy eater. There’s a constant struggle as to which personality will take over. This is very stressful in so many ways. I want this split within myself to find healing.
  • I want to choose the way I get to dress myself – Where I live, clothing options for a woman my size is almost non existent. So I have to wear what I can find, not the style I would prefer. Consequently, in all of my closet, I have not one piece of clothing that brings me joy.I want to dress in the type of clothes that brings me joy.
  • I want to be able to sit on the floor comfortable – One of the things that really saddens me is that, when my little niece comes to visit, I can’t sit on the floor and play with her. Children love it when you get to their level. I want that.
  • I want to spend more time in nature – I live in the city and do not own a car by choice, so going into natural settings require being able to walk long distance. I miss nature and want more of it in my life.
  • I want to keep being present to my life and to myself, to live every moment. the love. the joy. the pain. everything!

I have many more wants but these are the ones that need expressing at this time. These are the ones that I need to acknowledge for myself. These are the ones that I need to dust off and air out in the open. For a while, I had lost hope. I really thought that I was powerless to change my destructive behaviours. I truly, truly felt powerless and in some way, I had given up. Taking a step in the unknown and retiring early from my work has sort of reset things for me. I find myself being hopeful again and I’m so grateful. So grateful!

My Really BIG Want

Yesterday I shared about where I am now in my life. I didn’t cover everything but I did cover what is at the forefront of my life at this time. It feels like the next step is to look at what I want. I feel that this is a very important exercise. Voicing what I want is the first step to making my wants realities. It is pretty hard to get what I want if I don’t know what I want in the first place.

My big want, my really BIG want, is to journey back home to the core of who I am and ground myself there. I want to find peace and that is where I will find it. I know. I do visit that place on occasion. For some reason, though, I seem to keep on pulling out. Never staying long enough to ground myself there. I weave in and out of my own life, my own self and that is a frustrating habit. Because I know where I want to be but I feel like I’m never there. I know that if I could only ground myself there, once and for all, many of my other wants would instantly take care of themselves. I know this for sure. The challenges I face are my way of keeping myself from being present to myself. What I am so afraid of? Why won’t I allow myself this peace? Why do I keep on sabotaging myself?

It’s simple, really. I hold beliefs about myself that makes it impossible for me to allow my deeper wants, my important wants, to become realities. ‘I’m not deserving’… ‘I’m not worth it’… ‘I’m not good enough’… These are some of the beliefs that I have had with me for a very, very, very long time.

As I write this, I realize that these beliefs don’t have as tight a reign on me as they used to. I think this is why I am where I am in my life right now. I sense myself being more open to receiving from those who love me, from the Universe, from my wise and rooted self. Isn’t that awesome! This gives me hope. This excites me. I’m on my way home. I am. And there is no better place than home!


X Marks the Spot

I dread this but I feel this is something I need to do. In order to make it where I want to be, I first have to know exactly where I am now. So for today, I decided to write about where I am now in my life. Warts and all. This is full disclosure and it is scary. They say ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’. Doesn’t it! At my retirement party, pictures were taken. I haven’t seen most of them yet. But there was a group picture taken on my phone. When I first looked at it, I was shocked and very embarrassed. My first reaction was to delete it. I didn’t because a lot of my favourite people are there surrounding me and that is special. Very special. It is still hard for me to look at it. However that is the truth of where I am. So I take a deep breath and I accept this truth. And now I share this truth here with you.

This is me! August 17, 2017, at 357 lbs. If I could only convey all the pain that is wrapped up in this statement. I have a deeply ingrained issue with a food addiction and it goes way back to when I was a child. Up to my late 20s, I didn’t know what it was. I thought I had no willpower. Then I came across one of the books by Geneen Roth, possibly “Feeding the Hungry Heart,  and it was liberating to finally have a better understanding of what was going on with me. That my issue was emotionally based as opposed to my being a total failure at losing weight. At that point, I was probably around 240 lbs. This was right before I got pregnant with my son. I remember that number because that is the weight I was when I found out I was pregnant and the weight I was right after I gave birth. I was 30 years old. Life went on and more weight piled on. Twice since that time, I lost a great amount of weight. The first time,  I lost 80 lbs. The second time, I lost 70 lbs and that was about 4-5 years ago. I put it all back. As simple and as devastating as that! 

So here I am now. Not only extremely obese but with health issues brought on by carrying way too much weight for way too long! About 4 years ago, I had my gallbladder removed. I still feel pain at times. I probably have stones in my bile duct. Not good. That’s not the worst part though. The worst part is that I’ve had osteoarthritis in my right knee since 2008 and my left is even more damaged now with the addition of a torn meniscus. I have issues with my hips as well, although it has not been diagnosed as osteoarthritis yet. All this means that I can’t get around much. Doing the 7 minutes walk to the grocery store is as much as I can do now. I have pain most of the time. It’s been a beautiful Summer but I haven’t been able to enjoy it fully because of my limited ability to get around. Although I much enjoy my home, there are times that I feel trapped. That is where I am physically.

This journey, this struggle, has made a mess of my self-confidence, my self-love and my self-trust and some days I downright hate myself. But those are the choices that I made. Mindfulness calls me to acknowledge where I am now without judgement. So I take a deep breath and I do acknowledge where I am right now, in this moment. The struggles, the fears, the self-mistrust and the hopes. All of it. No judgements, just what is. X marks the spot!

And I look at my picture and I see a beautiful smile and that smile also tells a story. A story of courage, strength, kindness, generosity and beauty. A story of resilience and of never giving up. An amazing story.

Welcome to Emergessence!

Welcome! Welcome! I’m really excited right now. Emergessence has been wanting to be birthed for quite a while and now the time has come! This is it! We’re live! Yeah! Welcome! Make yourself at home and share you thoughts with me. I’d love to read you 🙂

First I want to thank Effy Wild for giving the push I needed to do what I needed to do to get this off the ground. Effy has launched her Let’s Blog Along in September a few days ago and I took it as s sign. Thank you Effy for that much needed push! If you don’t know Effy, be sure to visit her at! You are in for a treat! She is one of my favourite people!

I would like to start this blog with letting you know about who I am and why I created Emergessence – the art and practice of living mindfully. This is on my About page. However I felt important to share this here as well as a starting post. So here goes…

my name is Ginette Vallières D’Silva. I presently live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada with my husband, Evan. I have been in this city for 30 years. So this is definitely home now. I’m originally from Montréal, Québec where I was born in February of 1960. My mother tongue is French. However I’m more comfortable communicating in English now asI have done my higher education in English and have spoken mostly English for the past 30 some years.

As the Story Goes..

I will share a bit about my story as I think it will help in the understanding of where I am at today in my life journey. I grew up in a very dysfunctional environment surrounded with alcoholism and verbal, physical and sexual abuse. At 15 years old, I moved in and later married an abusive man who eventually divorced me at 20 years old to move in with his girlfriend and children. I was devastated and had a hard time recovering from the feeling of rejection and abandonment. For two years, I spend all of my non-work and non-sleep hours at the local bar ‘where every body knew my name’. I drank too much and ‘looked for love in all the wrong places’. I was lost. I was lonely. I didn’t want to be on my own for fear that the big hole I felt at the centre of my being would swallow me entirely. Through all this, I was blessed with a very special relationship with one of my uncle who, at the time resided in the North West Territories with his wife. One day I made a decision that was to be the beginning of my journey towards being a better and happier human being. I sold all my belongings for a one-way airline ticket to the North West Territories and joined my uncle and aunt. This is a decision I have never regret. It has saved my life, literally and figuratively! I’m eternally gratefully to my uncle and aunt for welcoming me in their oasis of love, a love that I so much needed at that time in my life.

About Learning and Struggles…

Over the years, I’ve learned so much about communication; about love, relationships and friendships; about parenting and the deep well of motherhood; about strength, determination and courage; about myself and what makes me tick; and about life and its infinite complexity. I’ve also deeply struggled with self-hatred, co-dependency, food addiction and obesity.  Through the learning and the struggles, I have become the person that I am today. Even though,  I still struggle with a food addiction and have health issues brought on by carrying so much more weight than my body is made to carry, mostly, I really like the person that I have become and I look forward to becoming an even better person as I keep journeying home to myself, to the person that I really am at my core, in my essence.

Enters Creativity…

Approximately 8 years ago, creativity made a gentle entrance into my life through the experience of SoulCollage. “SoulCollage a method of self-discovery through the creation and intuitive analysis of a deck of collaged cards, developed by Seena B. Frost, M.A., M.Div.” Prior to this time, I dabbled here and there in drawing but always hated what I created. It was never good enough. Somehow SoulCollage didn’t awaken the perfectionist in me and I was free, finally, to explore my creative side. I’ve eventually got into art journalling and in April of 2011 created my first painting on canvas. I have since painted and collaged numerous art journal pages and canvases. Many of my paintings are now hanging in the homes and offices of clients in Canada and the United States. Creativity has become an integral part of my life and an important self-nurturing practice.

And Now…

As I write this on August 31st 2017, I have been ‘retired’ for 2 weeks. Crazy, eh! 57 years old and I’m retired! That was a bold move! A case of the ‘jump and the net will appear’ trust scenario. It was time! Work and its intricacies had become way too uncomfortable. So, yes, I’m retired now. This feels BIG. This feels like a HUGE life shift. Sort of similar to when I hopped on that plane to the North West Territories many, many years ago. I’m curious and excited to see where this new chapter on my journey will take me.

Emergessence – the art and practice of mindful living…

Our essence is who we are at the core of our being. It is who we were at the onset of our creation. Over time, through our environment and those who we came in contact with, we had experiences and we were told things that made us forgot who we truly are. We were told lies about ourselves. “not good enough”, “worthless”, “ugly”, “too loud”, “too quiet”, and the list goes on and on. These became layers hiding our true nature from ourselves. Then we went on to perpetuate these lies by telling them to ourselves repeatedly and relentlessly. The layers kept on accumulating and consequently we have lost touch with who we are, truly are, in our essence. Emergessence is the letting go of these layers one by one which in turn gently let the essence of who we are come forth and permeate our life and touch those around us.

It is my belief that, it is through the art and practice of mindful living, that we can release the layers of lies and find our way to our essence. Mindfulness is being fully present in the present moment, with acceptance and without judgement. It is in cultivating this mindfulness that our true essence can come forth.

At this time in my life, my profound intent is to allow my true essence to fully emerge in a way that I have never allowed before and doing so by living mindfully. I will do this, reminding myself, that it is a practice and as in any practice, it is about progression not perfection. I will also keep on reminding myself that it is normal to revert to old habits of numbing myself but to keep on ‘getting up, dusting myself and hopping back on the saddle’. Practice, practice, practice – is the key!

I created Emergessence as a space for me to share this journey with you and perhaps, in some way, inspire your own journey. I will share about my struggle with food and my body. I will share my spiritual journey. I will share about my art. I might even share ways that I simplify my life and tricks I have learned along the way. So be sure to sign up on the main page to receive notification in your inbox every time I post something new!

Thanks for visiting and staying a while! Please share you thoughts with me. I would love to read them!

Have a fabulous day 🙂