A Wish List to the Universe

In my last post, I shared about my BIG want: To journey back home to the core of who I am and ground myself there. Today I thought it would be a good idea to start on a list of practical day-to-day wants. A kind of wish list to the Universe. So here goes:

  • I want to stop taking medications – Every morning, one of the first thing I do is take a medication which aims at protecting my stomach from the anti-inflammatory medication I take twice a day. It saddens me that the first thing I put in my body every morning is a drug. My body deserves better than this. I understand that is necessary at this time, but I want to eventually be able to stop both of these medications.
  • I want to be pain free – I dread having to run errands as it is laborious and painful. I want to be able to do this effortlessly.
  • I want to enjoy walks pain free – One of my husband’s favourite things is walking. Being blind, he needs others to go on walk with him. I would love to be able to enjoy going for long pain free walk with him.
  • I want to be fearless about going into unknown experiences and environments – Because of my size and physical limitations, I shy away from new environments and experiences. Will I fit in the seat at the restaurant? Will I be stuck having to stand for a long period of time? Will I stick out like a sore thumb? Will I make a fool of myself? This has shrank my world tremendously. I want to find my way back to experiencing the world around me more.
  • I want to be thin before I die and have time to enjoy my thin body.
  • I want to fully and completely let go of my struggle with food addiction – It is like there are two person within myself: the compulsive eater and the healthy eater. There’s a constant struggle as to which personality will take over. This is very stressful in so many ways. I want this split within myself to find healing.
  • I want to choose the way I get to dress myself – Where I live, clothing options for a woman my size is almost non existent. So I have to wear what I can find, not the style I would prefer. Consequently, in all of my closet, I have not one piece of clothing that brings me joy.I want to dress in the type of clothes that brings me joy.
  • I want to be able to sit on the floor comfortable – One of the things that really saddens me is that, when my little niece comes to visit, I can’t sit on the floor and play with her. Children love it when you get to their level. I want that.
  • I want to spend more time in nature – I live in the city and do not own a car by choice, so going into natural settings require being able to walk long distance. I miss nature and want more of it in my life.
  • I want to keep being present to my life and to myself, to live every moment. the love. the joy. the pain. everything!

I have many more wants but these are the ones that need expressing at this time. These are the ones that I need to acknowledge for myself. These are the ones that I need to dust off and air out in the open. For a while, I had lost hope. I really thought that I was powerless to change my destructive behaviours. I truly, truly felt powerless and in some way, I had given up. Taking a step in the unknown and retiring early from my work has sort of reset things for me. I find myself being hopeful again and I’m so grateful. So grateful!

Welcome to Emergessence!

Welcome! Welcome! I’m really excited right now. Emergessence has been wanting to be birthed for quite a while and now the time has come! This is it! We’re live! Yeah! Welcome! Make yourself at home and share you thoughts with me. I’d love to read you 🙂

First I want to thank Effy Wild for giving the push I needed to do what I needed to do to get this off the ground. Effy has launched her Let’s Blog Along in September a few days ago and I took it as s sign. Thank you Effy for that much needed push! If you don’t know Effy, be sure to visit her at www.effywild.com! You are in for a treat! She is one of my favourite people!

I would like to start this blog with letting you know about who I am and why I created Emergessence – the art and practice of living mindfully. This is on my About page. However I felt important to share this here as well as a starting post. So here goes…

my name is Ginette Vallières D’Silva. I presently live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada with my husband, Evan. I have been in this city for 30 years. So this is definitely home now. I’m originally from Montréal, Québec where I was born in February of 1960. My mother tongue is French. However I’m more comfortable communicating in English now asI have done my higher education in English and have spoken mostly English for the past 30 some years.

As the Story Goes..

I will share a bit about my story as I think it will help in the understanding of where I am at today in my life journey. I grew up in a very dysfunctional environment surrounded with alcoholism and verbal, physical and sexual abuse. At 15 years old, I moved in and later married an abusive man who eventually divorced me at 20 years old to move in with his girlfriend and children. I was devastated and had a hard time recovering from the feeling of rejection and abandonment. For two years, I spend all of my non-work and non-sleep hours at the local bar ‘where every body knew my name’. I drank too much and ‘looked for love in all the wrong places’. I was lost. I was lonely. I didn’t want to be on my own for fear that the big hole I felt at the centre of my being would swallow me entirely. Through all this, I was blessed with a very special relationship with one of my uncle who, at the time resided in the North West Territories with his wife. One day I made a decision that was to be the beginning of my journey towards being a better and happier human being. I sold all my belongings for a one-way airline ticket to the North West Territories and joined my uncle and aunt. This is a decision I have never regret. It has saved my life, literally and figuratively! I’m eternally gratefully to my uncle and aunt for welcoming me in their oasis of love, a love that I so much needed at that time in my life.

About Learning and Struggles…

Over the years, I’ve learned so much about communication; about love, relationships and friendships; about parenting and the deep well of motherhood; about strength, determination and courage; about myself and what makes me tick; and about life and its infinite complexity. I’ve also deeply struggled with self-hatred, co-dependency, food addiction and obesity.  Through the learning and the struggles, I have become the person that I am today. Even though,  I still struggle with a food addiction and have health issues brought on by carrying so much more weight than my body is made to carry, mostly, I really like the person that I have become and I look forward to becoming an even better person as I keep journeying home to myself, to the person that I really am at my core, in my essence.

Enters Creativity…

Approximately 8 years ago, creativity made a gentle entrance into my life through the experience of SoulCollage. “SoulCollage a method of self-discovery through the creation and intuitive analysis of a deck of collaged cards, developed by Seena B. Frost, M.A., M.Div.” Prior to this time, I dabbled here and there in drawing but always hated what I created. It was never good enough. Somehow SoulCollage didn’t awaken the perfectionist in me and I was free, finally, to explore my creative side. I’ve eventually got into art journalling and in April of 2011 created my first painting on canvas. I have since painted and collaged numerous art journal pages and canvases. Many of my paintings are now hanging in the homes and offices of clients in Canada and the United States. Creativity has become an integral part of my life and an important self-nurturing practice.

And Now…

As I write this on August 31st 2017, I have been ‘retired’ for 2 weeks. Crazy, eh! 57 years old and I’m retired! That was a bold move! A case of the ‘jump and the net will appear’ trust scenario. It was time! Work and its intricacies had become way too uncomfortable. So, yes, I’m retired now. This feels BIG. This feels like a HUGE life shift. Sort of similar to when I hopped on that plane to the North West Territories many, many years ago. I’m curious and excited to see where this new chapter on my journey will take me.

Emergessence – the art and practice of mindful living…

Our essence is who we are at the core of our being. It is who we were at the onset of our creation. Over time, through our environment and those who we came in contact with, we had experiences and we were told things that made us forgot who we truly are. We were told lies about ourselves. “not good enough”, “worthless”, “ugly”, “too loud”, “too quiet”, and the list goes on and on. These became layers hiding our true nature from ourselves. Then we went on to perpetuate these lies by telling them to ourselves repeatedly and relentlessly. The layers kept on accumulating and consequently we have lost touch with who we are, truly are, in our essence. Emergessence is the letting go of these layers one by one which in turn gently let the essence of who we are come forth and permeate our life and touch those around us.

It is my belief that, it is through the art and practice of mindful living, that we can release the layers of lies and find our way to our essence. Mindfulness is being fully present in the present moment, with acceptance and without judgement. It is in cultivating this mindfulness that our true essence can come forth.

At this time in my life, my profound intent is to allow my true essence to fully emerge in a way that I have never allowed before and doing so by living mindfully. I will do this, reminding myself, that it is a practice and as in any practice, it is about progression not perfection. I will also keep on reminding myself that it is normal to revert to old habits of numbing myself but to keep on ‘getting up, dusting myself and hopping back on the saddle’. Practice, practice, practice – is the key!

I created Emergessence as a space for me to share this journey with you and perhaps, in some way, inspire your own journey. I will share about my struggle with food and my body. I will share my spiritual journey. I will share about my art. I might even share ways that I simplify my life and tricks I have learned along the way. So be sure to sign up on the main page to receive notification in your inbox every time I post something new!

Thanks for visiting and staying a while! Please share you thoughts with me. I would love to read them!

Have a fabulous day 🙂