My Really BIG Want

Yesterday I shared about where I am now in my life. I didn’t cover everything but I did cover what is at the forefront of my life at this time. It feels like the next step is to look at what I want. I feel that this is a very important exercise. Voicing what I want is the first step to making my wants realities. It is pretty hard to get what I want if I don’t know what I want in the first place.

My big want, my really BIG want, is to journey back home to the core of who I am and ground myself there. I want to find peace and that is where I will find it. I know. I do visit that place on occasion. For some reason, though, I seem to keep on pulling out. Never staying long enough to ground myself there. I weave in and out of my own life, my own self and that is a frustrating habit. Because I know where I want to be but I feel like I’m never there. I know that if I could only ground myself there, once and for all, many of my other wants would instantly take care of themselves. I know this for sure. The challenges I face are my way of keeping myself from being present to myself. What I am so afraid of? Why won’t I allow myself this peace? Why do I keep on sabotaging myself?

It’s simple, really. I hold beliefs about myself that makes it impossible for me to allow my deeper wants, my important wants, to become realities. ‘I’m not deserving’… ‘I’m not worth it’… ‘I’m not good enough’… These are some of the beliefs that I have had with me for a very, very, very long time.

As I write this, I realize that these beliefs don’t have as tight a reign on me as they used to. I think this is why I am where I am in my life right now. I sense myself being more open to receiving from those who love me, from the Universe, from my wise and rooted self. Isn’t that awesome! This gives me hope. This excites me. I’m on my way home. I am. And there is no better place than home!


10 Replies to “My Really BIG Want”

  1. It really is a spiral path and you definitely know how to walk it, I loved reading this piece and feeling that aha moment towards the end, your writing conveys so much emotion.

    • Thank you Rachel for your sweet words. Yes it is a spiral path! One thing I like to remind myself after the path of the spiral is that it not only goes in but it most go out as well. I think it is part of life, this in and out.

  2. I too am a fellow Canadian (Creston, BC) and newly retired (moved here from Alberta last year) and trying to decide What I Want… your sentence “I hold beliefs about myself that makes it impossible for me to allow my deeper wants, my important wants, to become realities.” really spoke to me! thank you for sharing and looking forward to reading more! You can find me at: Lynne’s Art World (

    • Hi Lynne, great to meet a fellow Canadian and newly retiree. I’m glad my writing spoke to you. Thank you for subscribing to my blog 🙂

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