Yesterday I shared about where I am now in my life. I didn’t cover everything but I did cover what is at the forefront of my life at this time. It feels like the next step is to look at what I want. I feel that this is a very important exercise. Voicing what I want is the first step to making my wants realities. It is pretty hard to get what I want if I don’t know what I want in the first place.
My big want, my really BIG want, is to journey back home to the core of who I am and ground myself there. I want to find peace and that is where I will find it. I know. I do visit that place on occasion. For some reason, though, I seem to keep on pulling out. Never staying long enough to ground myself there. I weave in and out of my own life, my own self and that is a frustrating habit. Because I know where I want to be but I feel like I’m never there. I know that if I could only ground myself there, once and for all, many of my other wants would instantly take care of themselves. I know this for sure. The challenges I face are my way of keeping myself from being present to myself. What I am so afraid of? Why won’t I allow myself this peace? Why do I keep on sabotaging myself?
It’s simple, really. I hold beliefs about myself that makes it impossible for me to allow my deeper wants, my important wants, to become realities. ‘I’m not deserving’… ‘I’m not worth it’… ‘I’m not good enough’… These are some of the beliefs that I have had with me for a very, very, very long time.
As I write this, I realize that these beliefs don’t have as tight a reign on me as they used to. I think this is why I am where I am in my life right now. I sense myself being more open to receiving from those who love me, from the Universe, from my wise and rooted self. Isn’t that awesome! This gives me hope. This excites me. I’m on my way home. I am. And there is no better place than home!